What is it Like to Date an INTP?

You're in class and the teacher who is struggling with her weight mentions in lecture that digestion speeds up during exercise. The class goes into a back and forth discussion about their opinions on health, dieting and exercise. Among the chattering, you see a hand flailing in the back of the classroom and then you notice it's attached to a student you never noticed before. The teacher calls on him to speak and he starts.. "Ummm, actually, digestion slows during exercise. I saw it on Discovery Channel." The teacher replies with, "Are you sure? That's not right!" The class murmurs in agreement with the teacher and suddenly the bell rings. You see that the guy is upset, but you agree with the teacher, pack up your things, and head to lunch. Subconsciously, you categorize the guy in the back as a complete idiot. He was always quiet and you saw him get a mediocre score on a quiz that one time. At this point, you're kind of annoyed by the guy for making such seemingly outrageous outbursts. When you see him in the halls, you avoid eye contact, lest you accidentally associate yourself with the class weirdo.

A few days in a row, you spot him sitting alone during lunch period. He seems to have no problem being alone. And whenever he's actually interacting with someone, he's extremely passionate and excited. You think to yourself, "But I thought he was quiet! I never really heard his voice until now!" He whips out a deck of trading cards and has a match with someone he rarely hangs around, but during this game, you could swear the two playing were blood relatives. You see him at other times and notice that the majority of the time, he's quiet still, even though he has seemingly deep connections with some of his peers. You take a good look in his eyes while he's walking in silence, and you realize that he's not shy, fearful, or afraid. You realize that he's making the conscious decision to only speak when he has something of value to say. A few more days go by and you keep noticing him slip into and out of social situations. He doesn't do any drugs, he doesn't seem to be upset, and he's not going through anything too out of the ordinary. Your curiosity about this person peaks. You wonder, "If nothing is wrong with him, then why is he like that then?" 

One afternoon you are flipping through your Biology textbook and you see a photo of a woman jogging with a diagram of her stomach beside her. The small print reads, "digestion slows." You recall the guy in class again commenting on it and you glance over to the surrounding text that verifies, that during physical activity, digestion slows down. You are shocked at this revelation, and you kind of get annoyed that he happened to know something so strange. You sort of hate the guy now because he makes you feel less intelligent. But you're drawn to how mysterious he is. You start paying attention to him and you start to notice patterns. You change your opinion about him being dumb to the opposite. You're almost afraid to have intellectual conversation with him for fear of feeling inferior. You become hypnotized by this guy who isn't even doing anything directly to you. You think you are falling in love and you have no idea what to do.

You've found yourself an INTP male. Lucky for you, I'm an INTP male and I can give you romantic advice that will lock down that INTP for you. Don't get flabbergasted, get dabbergasted! Here is the nature of the object of your admiration and what that means for you:

The INTP Knows That Truth is Often Stranger Than Fiction

The typical person sees things in 3 dimensions. The INTP wishes his vision was so simple, as he can't help but see things in many dimensions. The INTP is highly intuitive and oftentimes he just knows things. He's not spending hours studying or practicing, or working hard just to know small insignificant things so he can annoy you. He's not attending courses that teach his witty humor or sharp, seething comebacks. It's second nature to him. Oftentimes conventional learning will be ineffective for the INTP male, because his mind is zeroed in on things as they are. The INTP is concept driven and his mind is wired to maintain the "big picture" perspective of everything. He's a logician that you might find rambling on and on and on with 10s of seemingly unrelated data points to support his latest intellectual conclusion. The INTP male is annoying, plain and simple, and he is very difficult to be around. And it annoys you even more to find out that he wouldn't have it any other way. The INTP male knows that the sauce cannot be bought and if you hang around him long enough, you will know this too! God gives some people beauty. He gives others the gift of gab. But he gave the INTP clairvoyance. He gave the INTP vision. These are things you either have or you don't!

The INTP Loves Intensely

Observe the praying mantis. After copulation, the male praying mantis has his head devoured by the female mantis. The INTP male is the same. Once he has made the decision to love you, there's nothing he won't try to seal the deal. He will dedicate his whole body and mind to you. You will consume a large portion of his thoughts. You may think that INTP guy in your Biology class thinks nothing of you or looks down on you, when in reality, he's already been in a year long relationship with you in his head. No matter how many equations or theories he drafts, never forget that he doesn't love science, mathematics, history, or the arts more than he loves you. He's a prisoner to his intellect and would want nothing more than to be freed from time to time. When he forgets the pleasantries like saying, "I love you," or he doesn't worship the ground at your feet like the typical male would, don't confuse this with a lack of interest in you. He can't help but to be occupied with all of the theorems, trivia, equations, and fantasies fluttering around in his head daily. Pay close attention to when he does show affection and truly appreciate it when he does. Realize that by the time the INTP male is showing visible signs of affection, you are seeing the fruits of a tree that has been growing since before the relationship was even conceived. He has probably thought about doing whatever he is doing with you today 7 times before he had breakfast this morning.

The INTP Loves Consistency

The INTP  lives a life full of many changing variables. Whenever the INTP spots a constant variable, that's when he has his "EUREKA!" moment, because now he can piece everything together and solve the equation. The INTP is averse to too much spontaneity or too much variety in romance. The INTP seems like a boring partner on the surface so he requires a partner who will look deeper and harder for meaning in the relationship. He needs someone who will forge legitimate, unbreakable bonds at the atomic level. Putting on a show is a distraction from this requirement.

You Can't Lie to the INTP Male

The INTP naturally sees the world through a skeptical lens. He has been given vision and intuition, and in order to peer into the future, you need a near perfect understanding of the past and present. When you speak to an INTP, he will render scenarios in his head, find all inconsistencies, and eventually, every time you have lied. He will take it as an insult to his intelligence, his driving trait that you think he could be fooled by your lies. You won't be able to get away with anything with an INTP male. Luckily, the INTP logician loves to solve problems. As long as you are honest with the INTP, he will enthusiastically tackle every issue the relationship throws his way. When you start lying to the INTP male, if you succeed in your deception, you essentially "break" your boyfriend/spouse and he won't be able to function properly. The first major lie you tell to the INTP male in a relationship will mark the beginning of the end of your relationship. Never lie to the INTP male. Ever.

Do Not Assume You Have a Submissive INTP Male

A lot of people see quietness as a sign of submission. They assume that the INTP male will welcome a loud, rambunctious partner who will "take charge" in the relationship. Some INTP males, (like me) are dominant. He will be borderline sexist and fiercely draw up boundaries that you probably won't want to cross. He will want to make all the final decisions and have almost omnipotent control over the relationship. He has unbreakable trust and confidence in his own mind and will never, under any circumstance, submit to yours. When you have found the dominant INTP male, respect his authority and realize that unlike other personality types, the INTP male exhibits dominance inwardly by first being his own master rather than outwardly. The INTP associates aggression with insecurity and instability. He realizes that life is a marathon and only time will tell who the real bosses are!

Nothing Gets You the INTP Male

Realize that none of the advice you can find online or in a magazine will ever truly work on the INTP male. As said before, by the time you find yourself with an INTP male, he has already made up his mind about you. He won't settle for anything less than a complete, takeover. He will calculate and observe, and plot to make sure that he can take things all the way before he even makes his first move, that's if he makes one. More often than not, the INTP male will pull you in and make you feel like the seducer, when really he spotted you first, and you are the seduced. Young, inexperienced INTPs will need a lot of practice before mastering his methods. Young INTPs are seen as creepy seducers. Old INTPs are seen as wealthy seducers. Often you will not spot young INTPs in relationships because in their minds, everything has to be perfect, or no relationship will be developed. The INTP male has absolutely no problem being alone, he actually prefers it. Be authentic, be honest, and be genuine. Playing games with the King of Games is not only a waste of time, it's foolish!

Those are a few tips for dating the INTP male. Other INTP males, let me know in the comments if I've represented us accurately. I appreciate all my readers and I hope you subscribe to keep receiving updates! Remember, don't get flabbergasted, get dabbergasted!


  1. Solid write up and stunningly accurate. If the mind of an INTP was a network of seas, then you are an experienced sailor.


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